Contacting the Ghost's of A Manic's Past

ok, so because im defunct of friendships as late, i can only create a blog and Hope for the best. the shit has been hitting the fan way too rapidly lately. i have just decided to look the other way and say "meh" (whatever the fuck that means). so to summarise; found love, moved far away to a distant land in which i thought everything was attainable, at my request. then the lover died. and all hope was lost.
i know its not entirely uplifting, but thats where i am.
However, after a few dozen cosmos i see an old flame of mine pop on and off of a messenger. in a drunkin and tearful act i write him. i just got off the phone with him now and i couldn't be more slap happy. and yet there is a sadness. im not exactly sure why. i just think about how we were, i guess thats the sad. ive been up to the mountain top and yet im in the exact same place i was 4 or 5 years ago.. actually longer.
i see alot of mag covers talking about how 20 somethings today are in no way they used to be. we live at home (well alot of us) and we don't plan on children, sometimes it happens but whatever. my generation is completely different than our parents. our parents knew the odds where against them but they still got married and happly divorced later after popping out a few. they still work hard. and yet, my emotional age group doesn't know what the hell to do.
we work jobs that are far below our intellect. at least so we think. we stay in the nest to hope to find something better. we look up and track hollywood as if we were stalking it. we elected a president because he made us feel like "well, at least some buddy is doing something". and yet all i do is sometimes get drunk in my mothers basement and try really hard not to think about me 8 years ago. and thats more than enough stress that i should get paid for it.
so my old flame. i worried about him so much i couldn't sleep at night. and now, i realise hes doing so much better. and i am so happy about that. best news i have gotten in 8 months.
when i talked with him i wasn't even thinking about it, it was just happening. how great is it to feel like a clasped couple can truly pick up where they left off and keep going? i'll keep drinking tonight, today, whatever time of day it is and just try my best to relish this. i need it. i thrive on this. my mothers milk layed out for me to lap at. he's doing great. and im still miserable. but if any of my ex's could make me feel this way, its him.