Why does moveon.org think i care any more? while writing my first blog here i get an email from moveon.org. as if this was a rare occurance. They could do so much better than trying to fake outage at the GOP. This is like saying "you know hitler was bad!" I really didn't help get Obama elected, but im glad he's there. But why do I feel like im getting screwed in the ass without lube still? everything is collasping and i think his team learned too damn much from the Bush team. Single payer? no, we can't. I need to rant here (it's a blog) but i don't have health insurance and on an income of $0 plus medical debt, how can you say that it isn't an option?
I have a huge medical problem called mental illness. it fucks up my ablity to work, or find a man that i can marry and live off of his benefits. I have been down the comminity shrink route, that just doesn't work. they load you up on pills that only put your health at risk, and really don't aliviate the mental problems at hand. the community programs around me or so lacking that its not even worth getting into.
people could bitch that this is why we don't need universal health care. i dissagree. if i got care that the rich affulant got, but had to wait 2, hell 24 hours to get it, i would do it. thats how desperate i am.
so fuck you moveon.org. you may be grassroots, but you've so become corporate america... (i think thats an insult now?) and if this doesn't make any fucking sense.. well.. maybe its me self medicating because i can't afford real health insurance.. so if you would sense... get me fucking health insurance, or stop the fucking reading mother fuckers... gah...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Contacting the Ghost's of A Manic's Past
ok, so because im defunct of friendships as late, i can only create a blog and Hope for the best. the shit has been hitting the fan way too rapidly lately. i have just decided to look the other way and say "meh" (whatever the fuck that means). so to summarise; found love, moved far away to a distant land in which i thought everything was attainable, at my request. then the lover died. and all hope was lost.
i know its not entirely uplifting, but thats where i am.
However, after a few dozen cosmos i see an old flame of mine pop on and off of a messenger. in a drunkin and tearful act i write him. i just got off the phone with him now and i couldn't be more slap happy. and yet there is a sadness. im not exactly sure why. i just think about how we were, i guess thats the sad. ive been up to the mountain top and yet im in the exact same place i was 4 or 5 years ago.. actually longer.
i see alot of mag covers talking about how 20 somethings today are in no way they used to be. we live at home (well alot of us) and we don't plan on children, sometimes it happens but whatever. my generation is completely different than our parents. our parents knew the odds where against them but they still got married and happly divorced later after popping out a few. they still work hard. and yet, my emotional age group doesn't know what the hell to do.
we work jobs that are far below our intellect. at least so we think. we stay in the nest to hope to find something better. we look up and track hollywood as if we were stalking it. we elected a president because he made us feel like "well, at least some buddy is doing something". and yet all i do is sometimes get drunk in my mothers basement and try really hard not to think about me 8 years ago. and thats more than enough stress that i should get paid for it.
so my old flame. i worried about him so much i couldn't sleep at night. and now, i realise hes doing so much better. and i am so happy about that. best news i have gotten in 8 months.
when i talked with him i wasn't even thinking about it, it was just happening. how great is it to feel like a clasped couple can truly pick up where they left off and keep going? i'll keep drinking tonight, today, whatever time of day it is and just try my best to relish this. i need it. i thrive on this. my mothers milk layed out for me to lap at. he's doing great. and im still miserable. but if any of my ex's could make me feel this way, its him.
i know its not entirely uplifting, but thats where i am.
However, after a few dozen cosmos i see an old flame of mine pop on and off of a messenger. in a drunkin and tearful act i write him. i just got off the phone with him now and i couldn't be more slap happy. and yet there is a sadness. im not exactly sure why. i just think about how we were, i guess thats the sad. ive been up to the mountain top and yet im in the exact same place i was 4 or 5 years ago.. actually longer.
i see alot of mag covers talking about how 20 somethings today are in no way they used to be. we live at home (well alot of us) and we don't plan on children, sometimes it happens but whatever. my generation is completely different than our parents. our parents knew the odds where against them but they still got married and happly divorced later after popping out a few. they still work hard. and yet, my emotional age group doesn't know what the hell to do.
we work jobs that are far below our intellect. at least so we think. we stay in the nest to hope to find something better. we look up and track hollywood as if we were stalking it. we elected a president because he made us feel like "well, at least some buddy is doing something". and yet all i do is sometimes get drunk in my mothers basement and try really hard not to think about me 8 years ago. and thats more than enough stress that i should get paid for it.
so my old flame. i worried about him so much i couldn't sleep at night. and now, i realise hes doing so much better. and i am so happy about that. best news i have gotten in 8 months.
when i talked with him i wasn't even thinking about it, it was just happening. how great is it to feel like a clasped couple can truly pick up where they left off and keep going? i'll keep drinking tonight, today, whatever time of day it is and just try my best to relish this. i need it. i thrive on this. my mothers milk layed out for me to lap at. he's doing great. and im still miserable. but if any of my ex's could make me feel this way, its him.
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